Mourning for Micah: God's Answer to My Anger

Friday, August 14, 2009

God's Answer to My Anger

I have felt increasingly angry about Micah's death. Angry at the medical personnel. Angry at God. In fact, there are times when I think, "If God would take me now, I would have a few, short questions for God as to why He took Micah's life when He did." I really want to shake my fist at the Lord and ask, "Why?!" Heather and I have so longed for a child. Why did God give Micah to us, only to take him away after 9 months?

In the course of all human history, I am not the only one to feel injustice, pain and sorrow. And I am not the first parent to lose a child to disease, war, murder, or suicide. I've realized that I am not the first parent to have questions of God.

Scripture provides us with a glimpse of whether I even would be able to ask my questions of God.

In Isaiah 45, verses 22-25, the Lord says,

"Turn to me and be saved,
All the ends of the earth!
For I am God, and there is no other.
By myself I have sworn;
From my mouth has gone out in righteousness.
A word that shall not return:
To me every knee shall bow, every tongue swear allegiance.
Only in the Lord, it shall be said of me, are righteousness and strength;
To him shall come and be ashamed all who were incensed against Him.
In the Lord all of the offspring shall be justified and glory."

Only in the Lord are ALL righteousness and strength. As unrighteous as Micah's death appears to me now, someday I will know God's way for Micah, and realize that this way was (and is) supremely righteous. I will not be able to use God's promises of righteousness and strength against him ("A word that shall not return") because I ultimately will see God's righteousness at work in the death of my only son. All who were "incensed" with the Lord through Micah's death will be ashamed.

Instead, immediately upon my perception of God, I will fall to my knees and worship the only true source of righteouness. I will, along with Isaiah say,
"Woe is me! For I am lost; For I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of Hosts!" Isaiah 6:5. And with the seraphem, we will worship God for his righteousness, crying out "Holy, Holy, Holy, is the Lord of Hosts. The whole earth is full of His glory!" Isaiah 6:3.

4 comments:

DavidAugust 14, 2009 at 10:15 PM
These are good thoughts, Cory. But I think you can be frustrated with God without also being "incensed" with him. Remember, God became a man, and so he understands your pain. So bring those emotions to him--just be honest with how you're feeling. Still praying for you, my brother.
ReplyDelete
Replies
JennaAugust 14, 2009 at 11:16 PM
When a friend of ours lost their child, I was angry with God. That eventually turned into apathy...which, over time, morphed into just being afraid of God as if he were randomly cruel or something. I wish I had turned to His word as you are doing so desperately and appropriately. It's crucial, so crucial to meditate His Word, on the promises we trusted before our belief in them was painfully tested.

Anger will come over you...no doubt...it's not even an option. But, taking it to the Lord is. Praying for your and Heather's faith to endure...
ReplyDelete
Replies
DavidAugust 15, 2009 at 9:40 AM
Sorry, I feel that I need to clarify my above comments. Basically my point was that I suspect you're being too hard on yourself. You should be free to express a wide range of emotions here--including frustration and anger with God. And I don't think these emotions equate with being incensed with Him. So while the passage you cited is certainly relevant, I'd hate to see it used to stifle the sincere feelings you're having. I hope that makes better sense...
ReplyDelete
Replies
NormanAugust 15, 2009 at 9:47 PM
Cory it's been a while since I'v made another comment to your blog. I pray for you and Heather daily. As our Lord Jesus Christ said: "I can do nothing on My own initiative. As I hear, I judge; and My judgment is just, because I do not seek My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me. John 5:30 So all we can say is "But God". Not in a questioning way but in thankfulness knowing that His way is just and perfect.
I know that it is hard right now for you guy's, but the lives you are touching with this blog is amazing and a great testament of your faith. I can't help but believe that God has something Mighty and Marvelous in store through it all.
ReplyDelete
Replies

Add comment

The Story of Micah's Last Days on Earth

During the week of July 20th, 2009, I (Cory) hired a roofing company to re-shingle our home in South Minneapolis. On Thursday afternoon, July 23rd, Heather went to her sister's house in Edina to avoid the noise and allow Micah to nap per his normal routine. In the early evening, Micah had his usual dinner. He sat in a plastic high chair that was secured on top of a regular table chair. After enjoying his finger foods of chicken and peas, Heather went to the sink to get a cloth to clean up Micah's face and hands.

During that time, Micah was accidentally unbuckled from his chair. As Heather walked back to Micah to wash him up, she watched as Micah leaned forward to touch his toes and tumbled forward, falling head first onto the ceramic tile.

Heather was within feet of Micah and immediately picked up Micah from the floor. Micah cried loudly for about 30 minutes. After about 30 minutes of crying and wanting to be held by his mother, he calmed down. Micah developed a bump above his left eye. Micah also developed a strange cough immediately after the fall.

Heather made several calls to the pedicatrician and to the Children's Hospital emergency room to determine if Micah should be seen and evaluated by a doctor. After conflicting suggestions, Heather decided to take Micah down to the ER to be evaluated. Micah was seen by a resident and a doctor and was checked over for any signs of head injury or other injuries. The doctors determined that Micah exhibited no signs of a concussion or other head injury, and so no head scan was taken. Heather and I informed the doctors of the cough, but the doctors felt that the cough was unrelated to the fall. Heather, Micah and I then went home.

On Friday, July 24th, Micah seemed happy and acted normal. Micah engaged in his normal Friday activities, including going to music class. In the evening, Micah developed a temperature following his normal bedtime. He woke up fussy and was not acting life himself. Heather called the pediatrician and the ER triage nurse. The nurse indicated that the fever was unrelated to the fall, and that if his temperature rose to 105 to bring him back to the ER. After several hours of trying to consol Micah, we decided to bring him back to the ER for further evaluation.

At the ER, the nurse practictioner who was assigned to Micah determined that Micah had developed pneumonia. The chest x-ray showed pneumonia but no signs of further complications. Micah was given an IV antibiotic. He was discharged and given instructions to meet with the pediatrician for an antibiotic shot the following day. The issue of the cough was brought up again; it was determiend that he could has aspirated some food (i.e. swallowed food down his lung) because of the fall. The doctor was not overly concerned about the cough.

On Saturday, July 25th, Micah was seen by his primary pedicatrician. He was given a shot of antibiotic and was further evaluated. It was determined that no further treatment was necessary, but that Micah should be seen by the pediatrician the following Tuesday for an x-ray. The x-ray would determine if the pneumonia had improved. If it had not, the pediatrician should that it would be necessary for a doctor to sedate Micah and use a scope to remove the foreign body from Micah's lung.

On Sunday, July 26th, we were hoping to attend the 11:00 am service at Bethlehem Baptist Church in downtown Minneapolis. Before church, I headed to Target around 9:30 to pick up a prescription for Micah. Micah woke up from his nap while Heather was drying her hair in the bathroom. Micah let out a terrible little cry, and Heather immediately ran into his run. Micah then started chocking, and immediately turned blue.

Heather called 911 and started CPR on Micah. I arrived home and tried to relay CPR instructions from the 911 operator to Heather, who was attempting to resuscitate Micah. Within 1 minute of my arrival, the fire department arrived. The fire department personnel attempted, to no avail, to resuscitate Micah. Within 2 or 3 minutes, the paramedics arrived. They, too, were unsuccessful in attempting to resuscitate Micah.

After about 25 more minutes, Micah was transported by ambulance to Children's Hospital in Minneapolis. Heather rode in the front seat of the ambulance. I rode with a police officer in his squad car behind the ambulance.

Once at the hospital, a team of doctors and nurses continued their attempts to resuscitate Micah. We were met almost immediately at the hospital by a social worker and a chaplain. During the next 20 minutes or so, we continued to receive updates that the doctors and nurses were not able to resuscitate Micah. At that time, we were told by one of the head doctors to go into Micah's room and say goodbye to Micah.

As we were walking into the room, the doctors stopped us and indicated that they had been able to finally get a pulse going again. They were also able to incubate him and, with the assistance of machines, get him breathing again. The head doctor apparently made hard chest compression to restart Micah's heart. The doctors immediately cautioned us, however, that because of the length of time that Micah went without oxygen to his brain (about 1.5 hours), he would have permanent brain damage. Micah was then moved to a room in the instensive care unit in South Minneapolis.

Later that afternoon, I was in his room when an Ear-Nose-Throat specialist placed a scope down Micah's lung. There, he found a pea that had collapsed his right lung. The E-N-T specialist was able to remove the pea. At this point, the doctors believe that Micah suffocated on a combination of this pea and the flem material generated by his lung as a result of the pneumonia.

That evening, I asked the nurse in charge of Micah's care whether we should be praying for his recovery or praying for his "going home." She responded, without hesitation, that we should pray for his "going home." Heather and I did not sleep at all that Sunday night. We (along with many others) lifted up many prayers to the Lord asking the Lord to spare our Micah's life.

On Monday, July 27th, Heather and I, along with our families, Pastor Kenny Stokes and our pediatrician met with the head doctor in the intensive care unit to discuss Micah's situation. He indicated that Micah had little to no brain activity, and that he had no chance of recovery. They provided us with the option to remove Micah from life support at any time. At that time, it appeared that he may have had enough brain function to breath on his own if he were removed from the ventilator.

The Lord provided Pastor Kenny with the verse, "Away from the body, present with the Lord." We determined that because Micah would never have any brain activity, it was time for us to say goodbye to our only son, Micah Robert Wessman, so that he could go home to be with Jesus.

All of our extended families gathered in Micah's room. Due to all of the lines and cords coming from his little body, several nurses had to assist in transferring Micah from his bed to my lap. Heather sat in a chair next to me. We sang a number of hymns together, including "Children of the Heavenly Father" and "Jesus Love Me." Heather then kissed Micah goodbye, telling Micah, through tears, to "run to Jesus, sweetie, run to Jesus."

For the next hour, we waited for a local organ donation company to arrive and review Micah's status for organ donation purposes. (We later learned that a child benefitted from receiving Micah's heart valves.) During that time, the doctors determined that Micah's brain functions further deteriorated, and Micah was not able to breath on his own. Apparently, Micah had listed to his mother one last time, and he ran to Jesus.

After meeting with the organ donation company, I went into Micah's room. Also present were my parents, my brother Scott, Pastor Kenny and Tim Gilbert. The doctor and the nursing staff removed all of Micah's tubes. Within a few minutes of having his tubes removed, Micah died in my arms. After a few minutes of holding the body of my son in my arms, my brother read from Romans 11:33-36.

We love our son very much, and always will love him. He will always be our son. It is our strong conviction that after he died, he was received directly into the arms of our loving Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Mourning for Micah

Friday, August 14, 2009

God's Answer to My Anger

4 comments:

The Story of Micah's Last Days on Earth

Followers

Blog Archive

About Cory (Micah's Dad)