Mourning for Micah: Thank you friends- from Heather

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Thank you friends- from Heather

I wanted to write a post to thank you for all of your prayers and ongoing support of us. I can’t even put into words what these past 4 ½ months have been like for us. It has been the worst, unimaginable nightmare. To face this challenge everyday has been the hardest thing in our lives.

At times it feels as though friends and family think that our pain is subsiding and that we have “moved on.” The pain we face has not changed. We continue to cry often and wonder how we are going to make it through the day or even the next couple of hours. I continue to pray my daily prayer for God to help me through the day –to somehow carry me through this seemingly insurmountable suffering so I can function to some degree of normalcy. Attempting to function normally is what Cory and I now call our “new normal”. There are days that I feel so numb and broken that I can’t even do the simplest tasks.

I am so grateful for the friends who continue to call, to email and to check in to see how we are doing. It means so much to us to know that people care and continue to think and pray for us. Cory and I often feel isolated by our grief as many people don’t know how to communicate with us or support us. We have learned that this is common and normal as most people don’t know how to treat people who have lost a love one. Most people, quite naturally, do not like to see anyone hurting, crying or experiencing the pain that we are dealing with. However, no one can take away our pain. Our pain is real and is constant. Our pain does NOT deepen if other people bring up Micah or our grieving; it is with us all the time. It is helpful to talk about Micah and not to forget him. He is our son and we want to remember every moment that we have spent with him. It brings us joy to share with our friends and family our memories of his life and our time together as a family. I would encourage anyone not to be afraid of our tears and pain but to embrace it and help us to remember. Thank you all for helping us through this long journey, we continue to need our friends and family to hold us up and to encourage us daily.

5 comments:

Erica BarnesDecember 8, 2009 at 8:27 PM
thank you so much for having the humility to remind us, Heather! I have been thinking of you alot this week. I'm sure the Christmas season brings stabs of pain as well as sweet memories. Love you, friend
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JennaDecember 8, 2009 at 10:38 PM
Thanks for posting, Heather. It's good to read the Mama's words, too. I don't worry about deepening your grief. I worry about being a stumbling block to your faith in my own lament for your son's death, or being offensive in my ignorance...or simply being UNhelpful. I know I'm not in your life, but I read your blog, pray for you and cry over your little boy. I usually don't leave comments because no words bring him back. It sucks so much...being this helpless. I know that we can ultimately rest in God's goodness, plan and sovereignty, but that resting doesn't make it not painful and horrible.

I think about Micah's sweet life and tragic death daily. I wrestle with God in this. I ask "why" with you. I am so sorry that you're having to live through this pain.

Maybe we'll meet some time. I imagine going to church is extremely hard (to say the least). But, maybe sometime.
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Nick, Amber & AaronDecember 9, 2009 at 10:34 AM
Hi Heather and Cory, I have never been through something like this in my life, but in a diffifult time recently, I reminded myself that I am moving forward, not moving ON. Moving on makes it sounds like I'm forgetting what happened; moving forward just means I have a new normal, and I have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, as hard as it is. May God be with you immensely this holiday season, and I am so thankful He has blessed you with new life. Be strong and courageous, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go!

-Amber, a friend of Reed & Rachael's
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AnonymousDecember 11, 2009 at 9:54 AM
Dear Heather and Cory, thank you for sharing your thoughts; they touch me so much. I have some friends who lost their little boy a few months back, and your blog is helping me know how to pray for them and relate to them. My heart breaks for anyone who has lost a child, and I'm humbled to read your incredible journey of loss. May God carry you through this Christmas season, and wrap you in His comfort. Debbie Brockett
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AmcareyDecember 11, 2009 at 3:02 PM
Just sending a note to let you know we are praying for you today!!! May it be a day that is not as tough as some!

In Christ!!

The Carey's
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The Story of Micah's Last Days on Earth

During the week of July 20th, 2009, I (Cory) hired a roofing company to re-shingle our home in South Minneapolis. On Thursday afternoon, July 23rd, Heather went to her sister's house in Edina to avoid the noise and allow Micah to nap per his normal routine. In the early evening, Micah had his usual dinner. He sat in a plastic high chair that was secured on top of a regular table chair. After enjoying his finger foods of chicken and peas, Heather went to the sink to get a cloth to clean up Micah's face and hands.

During that time, Micah was accidentally unbuckled from his chair. As Heather walked back to Micah to wash him up, she watched as Micah leaned forward to touch his toes and tumbled forward, falling head first onto the ceramic tile.

Heather was within feet of Micah and immediately picked up Micah from the floor. Micah cried loudly for about 30 minutes. After about 30 minutes of crying and wanting to be held by his mother, he calmed down. Micah developed a bump above his left eye. Micah also developed a strange cough immediately after the fall.

Heather made several calls to the pedicatrician and to the Children's Hospital emergency room to determine if Micah should be seen and evaluated by a doctor. After conflicting suggestions, Heather decided to take Micah down to the ER to be evaluated. Micah was seen by a resident and a doctor and was checked over for any signs of head injury or other injuries. The doctors determined that Micah exhibited no signs of a concussion or other head injury, and so no head scan was taken. Heather and I informed the doctors of the cough, but the doctors felt that the cough was unrelated to the fall. Heather, Micah and I then went home.

On Friday, July 24th, Micah seemed happy and acted normal. Micah engaged in his normal Friday activities, including going to music class. In the evening, Micah developed a temperature following his normal bedtime. He woke up fussy and was not acting life himself. Heather called the pediatrician and the ER triage nurse. The nurse indicated that the fever was unrelated to the fall, and that if his temperature rose to 105 to bring him back to the ER. After several hours of trying to consol Micah, we decided to bring him back to the ER for further evaluation.

At the ER, the nurse practictioner who was assigned to Micah determined that Micah had developed pneumonia. The chest x-ray showed pneumonia but no signs of further complications. Micah was given an IV antibiotic. He was discharged and given instructions to meet with the pediatrician for an antibiotic shot the following day. The issue of the cough was brought up again; it was determiend that he could has aspirated some food (i.e. swallowed food down his lung) because of the fall. The doctor was not overly concerned about the cough.

On Saturday, July 25th, Micah was seen by his primary pedicatrician. He was given a shot of antibiotic and was further evaluated. It was determined that no further treatment was necessary, but that Micah should be seen by the pediatrician the following Tuesday for an x-ray. The x-ray would determine if the pneumonia had improved. If it had not, the pediatrician should that it would be necessary for a doctor to sedate Micah and use a scope to remove the foreign body from Micah's lung.

On Sunday, July 26th, we were hoping to attend the 11:00 am service at Bethlehem Baptist Church in downtown Minneapolis. Before church, I headed to Target around 9:30 to pick up a prescription for Micah. Micah woke up from his nap while Heather was drying her hair in the bathroom. Micah let out a terrible little cry, and Heather immediately ran into his run. Micah then started chocking, and immediately turned blue.

Heather called 911 and started CPR on Micah. I arrived home and tried to relay CPR instructions from the 911 operator to Heather, who was attempting to resuscitate Micah. Within 1 minute of my arrival, the fire department arrived. The fire department personnel attempted, to no avail, to resuscitate Micah. Within 2 or 3 minutes, the paramedics arrived. They, too, were unsuccessful in attempting to resuscitate Micah.

After about 25 more minutes, Micah was transported by ambulance to Children's Hospital in Minneapolis. Heather rode in the front seat of the ambulance. I rode with a police officer in his squad car behind the ambulance.

Once at the hospital, a team of doctors and nurses continued their attempts to resuscitate Micah. We were met almost immediately at the hospital by a social worker and a chaplain. During the next 20 minutes or so, we continued to receive updates that the doctors and nurses were not able to resuscitate Micah. At that time, we were told by one of the head doctors to go into Micah's room and say goodbye to Micah.

As we were walking into the room, the doctors stopped us and indicated that they had been able to finally get a pulse going again. They were also able to incubate him and, with the assistance of machines, get him breathing again. The head doctor apparently made hard chest compression to restart Micah's heart. The doctors immediately cautioned us, however, that because of the length of time that Micah went without oxygen to his brain (about 1.5 hours), he would have permanent brain damage. Micah was then moved to a room in the instensive care unit in South Minneapolis.

Later that afternoon, I was in his room when an Ear-Nose-Throat specialist placed a scope down Micah's lung. There, he found a pea that had collapsed his right lung. The E-N-T specialist was able to remove the pea. At this point, the doctors believe that Micah suffocated on a combination of this pea and the flem material generated by his lung as a result of the pneumonia.

That evening, I asked the nurse in charge of Micah's care whether we should be praying for his recovery or praying for his "going home." She responded, without hesitation, that we should pray for his "going home." Heather and I did not sleep at all that Sunday night. We (along with many others) lifted up many prayers to the Lord asking the Lord to spare our Micah's life.

On Monday, July 27th, Heather and I, along with our families, Pastor Kenny Stokes and our pediatrician met with the head doctor in the intensive care unit to discuss Micah's situation. He indicated that Micah had little to no brain activity, and that he had no chance of recovery. They provided us with the option to remove Micah from life support at any time. At that time, it appeared that he may have had enough brain function to breath on his own if he were removed from the ventilator.

The Lord provided Pastor Kenny with the verse, "Away from the body, present with the Lord." We determined that because Micah would never have any brain activity, it was time for us to say goodbye to our only son, Micah Robert Wessman, so that he could go home to be with Jesus.

All of our extended families gathered in Micah's room. Due to all of the lines and cords coming from his little body, several nurses had to assist in transferring Micah from his bed to my lap. Heather sat in a chair next to me. We sang a number of hymns together, including "Children of the Heavenly Father" and "Jesus Love Me." Heather then kissed Micah goodbye, telling Micah, through tears, to "run to Jesus, sweetie, run to Jesus."

For the next hour, we waited for a local organ donation company to arrive and review Micah's status for organ donation purposes. (We later learned that a child benefitted from receiving Micah's heart valves.) During that time, the doctors determined that Micah's brain functions further deteriorated, and Micah was not able to breath on his own. Apparently, Micah had listed to his mother one last time, and he ran to Jesus.

After meeting with the organ donation company, I went into Micah's room. Also present were my parents, my brother Scott, Pastor Kenny and Tim Gilbert. The doctor and the nursing staff removed all of Micah's tubes. Within a few minutes of having his tubes removed, Micah died in my arms. After a few minutes of holding the body of my son in my arms, my brother read from Romans 11:33-36.

We love our son very much, and always will love him. He will always be our son. It is our strong conviction that after he died, he was received directly into the arms of our loving Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Mourning for Micah

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Thank you friends- from Heather

5 comments:

The Story of Micah's Last Days on Earth

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