Thursday, February 4, 2010


Heather has reported that Micah's little brother (who we call "BabyTwo") is quite an active little guy. We are now only about 15 weeks away from BabyTwo's due date (May 21). For the first time since Micah died, we feel some excitement in preparing for the birth of Micah's little brother. Our lives are filled with contradictory emotions: excitement, to be parents again; sadness, to be missing BabyTwo's older brother Micah; and anxiety, not to be able to control the life and breath of BabyTwo.

Heather has begun preparing for the arrival of BabyTwo. In the course of purchasing clothes for BabyTwo, she discovered earlier this week that she has subconsciously avoided shopping for any baby clothes for babies older than 9 months. We wept together, not only because of the pain of Micah's death, but also in fear of our own future anxiety. What will our nights be like? How will we respond every time that BabyTwo coughs? Or falls?

Micah's death has taught us a lesson in mortality, a lesson that I wish more people would take to heart. But for us, the danger of this lesson is that, in the absence of God's work in our lives, we will suffocate our son (and ourselves) with anxiety over what could happen to him.

Paul says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Phil 4:6. So easy to recite in Sunday School class, so very difficult to do. In speaking with other parents who have similarly lost children, all of them indicate a high level of anxiety over the health and breath of subsequent children.

I pray that the legacy of Micah's death on BabyTwo would be that, somehow, by God's grace, we would be less anxious parents. BabyTwo will outlive us not because (i) we are "due for some good luck" (as someone recently told us) or even (ii) because we are very careful and safe parents, but because God wills him to outlive us. I pray that our belief in the absolute control of a good and loving God outweighs the anxious thoughts that fill our minds.


  1. I understand what you're saying...much easier said than done. As I am 20 weeks along with our first child and having had friends who have lost young babies, I am already so anxious. I can't imagine it from your eyes and hearts. You're right though, our loving God does outweigh our anxieties! Thank you Lord!

  2. I am praying the same less-anxious thoughts for myself, as I am pregnant with our 2nd child (1st lost through miscarriage). You are not alone. We are more than conquerors, and Christ died on the cross to take away all our anxieties. Only through Him can we have victory, and I pray you will know these victories fully.