Micah's Toys

Even though Micah's room is now occupied by his little brother, Owen, his room hasn't changed much since he died. His bedroom still has his little toys, his children's books, and his stuffed animals. When I see some of his toys, I am reminded of this old poem, called "Little Boy Blue:"

"The little toy dog is covered with dust,
But sturdy and staunch he stands;
And the little toy soldier is red with rust,
And his musket molds in his hands.

Time was when the little toy dog was new,
And the toy soldier was passing fair;
And that was the time when our Little Boy Blue
Kissed them and put them there.

"Now don't you go till I come," he said,
"And don't you make any noise!"
So, toddling off to his trundle-bed,
He dreamt of the pretty toys;

And, as he was dreaming, and angel song
Awakened our Little Boy Blue--
Oh! the years are many, the years are long,
But the little toy friends are true

Aye, faithful to Little Boy Blue they stand,
Each in the same old place--
Awaiting the touch of a little hand,
The smile of a little face;

And they wonder, as waiting the long years through
In the dust of that little chair,
What has become of Little Boy Blue,
Who kissed them and put them there."

Eugene Field, Lullaby-Land, Poems of Childhood, 1904.

Our second son, Owen, is now old enough to enjoy playing with his big brother's toys. It is with bittersweet joy that we can give Micah's toys to Owen for him to throw around, chew on, drool upon. Given Micah's short life with us, we feel blessed every day when we can wake up, and play with our Owen, whom the Lord has mercifully given to us for yet another day. Micah's toys are a daily reminder of God's blessing to us of Owen.

But Micah's toys are also a nearly daily reminder of the life with us that Micah "left behind" and the pain of our loss. Micah always had a little toy doll in his hands, and was often chewing on the head of that little doll. When I showed him one of his little teddy bears, he nearly always gave us an ear-to-ear smile while giving that teddy bear a gut-busting bear hug. Oh, how we long to see our Micah again; to see that big grin, with just those two teeth, to hear him talk again, to see him big that big bear hug.

We hold on to the promise in Scripture that Jesus will, in the end, redeem all things. In Revelation 21:5, Jesus promises us that he is "making all things new." What, then, will become of our relationship with our son Micah, if God is making all things new? What are you doing, Lord, in and through the sorrow of our loss? What will you be doing over perhaps many more years of an earthly life, while our pictures warp and fade, Micah's toys rust, relationships change, children move away and marry, and our memories and minds fade away?

Again and again in scripture, we see God using pain, sin and death for His own purposes. After God used Joseph to save his family, Joseph told his brothers who had, many years earlier, sold him into slavery, "What you intended for evil, God intends for good." Genesis 50:20. So how will Jesus redeem this suffering? Will Jesus make things just like they were before the pea clogged his throat? Or will we, in Heaven, be able to see Micah even more clearly, hold him more closely, and love him even more him more deeply then we ever did while on earth? When will you be done, Lord? How much longer do we have to wait? And when can we see our son again?