Sorrowful, Yet Always Rejoicing

In 2 Corinthians 6:10, the Apostle Paul gives a list of seemingly contradictory attributes of Christians. He tells us that he is “sorrowful, yet always rejoicing…” Pastor John Piper has said that Christians are, or at least ought to be, simultaneously both the saddest people on earth, as well as the most joy-filled. How can this be? Joy: Our lives are filled with joy because of Christ’s work on our behalf. We are the most joyful of people because we have the full knowledge of the plan of salvation in Christ, and revel in our own salvation by grace. Our joy is not in circumstances, but in God. “You have put more joy in my heart then they have when their grain and wine abound.” Psalm 4:7. Sorrow: Our lives are simultaneously filled with sorrow because we better understand the full weight of sin in this world. We know that all of the ramifications to sin—whether the breakdown in human relationships, sickness, loneliness, death—is not the way that the Lord intended for us to live. Author Paul Tripp says, “Death is the enemy of everything good and beautiful about life as God planned it. Death should make you morally sad and righteously angry. It is a cruel indicator that the world is broken; it is not functioning according to God’s original design.” Tripp, citing 1 Corinthians 15:25-26. The rest of the world may try to find the “silver lining” of a tough situation. The world may use modern psychotherapy to help with grief, or turn to work, drugs, or other forms of escape, in order to salve the wounds. But as Christians, we must confront sin and all its ramifications fully in the face and hate sin with all of our being. When we see death, our sorrow is greater than the rest of the world because our hatred of sin is greater than the rest of the world. We can, therefore, take this seemingly contradictory position of great sorrow and grief joy in the midst of suffering.

Suffering and the Presence of the Holy Spirit

One year ago today, I was recovering from an abdominal surgery that would, ultimately, cause me to spend 22 of 26 days in the hospital. I won’t soon forget the night of January 19, 2015, the night when I lay awake in my hospital bed staring at the clock, counting down the minutes until my next dose of pain killers could be administered. I would later learn that grapefruit-sized abscesses had developed behind my lungs by reason of the post-surgical bacterial infection that I had developed in the course of an earlier surgery. As I look back at my response to what God permitted to occur in my life one year ago, I am pleasantly surprised to reflect upon my own reaction to that suffering. This suffering was certainly inferior in degree to the suffering our family endured beginning in 2009 when Micah died. However, that larger suffering, and my dependence on the Holy Spirit by reason of it, has had positive results in my life. Throughout my hospital stay, I was able to maintain a focus on the Lord and His plan for my life, and generally respond with an open hand and mind to where the Lord was leading through that illness. (I blogged about my responses on this blog last winter and spring). I write about this not to boast in my own strength or moral character, but to boast in God’s character. I want to encourage you (especially if you are a fellow grieving parent), that God’s strength will be sufficient to carry you through current and future trials. Any good that comes from the lives of believers in absolute weakness is by reason of God’s strength in us, not our own. In his letter to the Galatians, Paul emphasizes that his boast is not in his own works, but in the cross. “But far be it from me to boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the worlds has been crucified to me, and I to the world.” Galatians 6:14. In the cross, we see that all of our works can only get in the way of our relationship with Him, because in our absolute weakness, God is able to accomplish far more than we can do on our own. How can I boast in my own strength, when I could not even eat, and was too weak to even bath myself? Where is boasting when, but for God’s very breath in our lungs, we would have no hope of entering another day without the strength that He provides. How can I brag when I would not have the moral fortitude to respond in a Christ-like manner to those around me? While I (for one) cannot say that I “rejoice in my suffering,” I can say that I take hope in my response to it. We can be glad that spiritual fruit arising out of suffering demonstrates the presence of the Holy Spirit in your life. Having seen God work through my own weakness, we can rejoice in the hope of eternity, knowing that God’s presence in our lives has guaranteed our salvation. Paul says, “In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory.” Ephesians 1:13.

Discipline

Parents of young children (like me) know that a child will not always respond to discipline. It may be necessary to elevate the level of discipline to cause the child to understand (“wake up to”) the moral reality of his or her actions. Is it unloving for us to discipline our child in order to point them in the direction of wisdom, goodness and truth? Is it not the most loving action we can take to correct their actions or attitudes in order to set them on a course for creating a moral character that makes good and right moral decisions independent of us? In chapters 8 and 9 of the Book of Revelation, we read about certain “end times” events that do not sit well with the modern reader. We see the Lord allowing for vast and incomparable devastation to come upon the earth, removing one-third of the crops, livestock, and human beings from the face of the earth. God permits this devastation to occur in order that those humans who have not yet turned to Jesus might repent of their idolatry (Revelation 9:20-21), and make Jesus the center of their affections. Is it unloving for God to allow this devastation? If God Himself is most worthy of our affections, is it not supremely loving of God to take any means necessary to turn our affections away from ourselves and “wake up to” the only one and true object worthy of eternal worship, God Himself? There is no question that trusting in the future redemption of our significant sufferings or current calamities requires fearless faith. But if you have endured such setbacks, will you at least consider the possibility that, just like we ought to discipline our children to become lovers of good, God has (and will) discipline us in order to become lovers of God? The death of a child, like other significant means of suffering in this life, can serve as a “wake up call” from a loving God. When we lose something so close to the center of our affections, we should respond like little children, and ask how our Heavenly father wants to use this discipline for our good. We would be wasting the attention and intentions of a loving and sovereign God if we let our sufferings go to waste.

Life-Changing Grief & The Holidays

In his book, "After Lament," Glenn Pemberton encourages readers facing significant suffering or grief to enter into lament--to go deeper in a struggle with God. In marked contrast to the flavor of many Christian churches today, Pembertson points to the example of David and other Psalmists us to lament--to ask of God His purposes, to wrestle with God, and to generally cry out to Him in lament. Pemberton writes, "It is my observation that many people assume [that] [o]nce God has heard our lament and answered our prayer, the crisis is over and we may resume our lives from the point at which the crisis hit....As soon as the crisis is past we try to get on with the business of living our lives as if nothing happened." Pembertson, After Lament, p. 25. My observation is that friends and family members of grieving parents try to "fix" the grieving parents by trying to get them "back" to the normal way of life, especially at the Holidays. The first Christmas after Micah died, Heather and I made the decision we would not try to be "normal" around the Holidays. Rather than enjoying a traditional family Christmas, we took off for 7 days in Mexico. In hindsight, this was an excellent decision. In every Christmas season since his death, we have taken on a few "traditions "back," but it would be unrealistic to think that our holidays, like the rest of life, can ever be "normal" again. Nothing in life is normal after the death of a child, especially those rhythms of life associated with family and children. If you know a grieving parent, I would encourage you to not try to "fix" their problems by getting them "back" to their normal ways. God is using the most terrible circumstances imaginable to change the lives of the parents, and most likely numerous others, for His glory. Please don't think that a grieving parent needs his or her "old" way of life back in order to be happy again.

How we are saved?

In my capacity as an estate planning attorney, I have the honor of providing some guidance as to how remaining assets are distributed to and among family members, friends or charities following death. Recently, I worked with a client who expressed a desire to provide a certain amount of assets to the church for the purpose of saying "masses" on behalf of herself and deceased family members. This client wants to name numerous churches as the recipients of certain sums, with the hope that each of them would say a sufficient number of masses that would "save" her from enduring purgatory. Her questions prompted me to give some thought to how we are saved, and what assurance we can have for Heaven, following death. Below is an excerpt from a recent response to this client: ...Our recent conversations regarding purgatory and your hope of heaven prompted me to review the Holy Bible, and its teachings regarding how we are “saved” from purgatory and to an eternal existence with God. Since both of us share a belief in the Holy Bible as the infallible and authoritative Word of God, I pray that it may be helpful to pass along some encouragement to you from the Bible about the hope we can have for eternal life. In particular, I wanted to pass along the words from Hebrews 7:26-28. There, the author says, “For it was indeed fitting that we should have such a high priest, holy, innocent, unstained, separated from sinners, and exalted above the heavens. He has no need, like those high priests, to offer sacrifices daily, first for his own sins and then for those of the people, since he did this once for all when he offered up himself. For the law appoints men in their weakness as high priests, but the word of the oath, which came later than the law, appoints a son who has been made perfect forever.” In this passage, the author of Hebrews is contrasting the sufficiency of Jesus Christ as our high priest with the “imperfect” nature of anyone but Jesus. In the Old Testament times, priests were appointed within the nation of Israel to serve as mediators between Israel and God. However, because each and every one of these priests was imperfect, so also this entire system suffered by reason of the fact that the mediators were imperfect. In some sense, the ability to be “heard” by God was dependent upon the ability (or more likely, fallibility) of the priest himself. In contrast to these Old Testament priests, as well as the imperfect ability of any of our fellow saints of the faith, now in heaven, consider the absolute perfection of our new mediator, Jesus Christ. The author of Hebrews notes that, because of how perfect Christ is as our new mediator, we need no one else, even if the mediator in question has been canonized as a saint, to have the assurance of being “heard” by God. If you believe in Jesus Christ as God, if you believe that he took the penalty of death on your behalf, then His sacrifice on your behalf is already perfected. There is no need to have the church offer additional masses on your behalf. Your desire to make gifts to the church following your death is itself a laudable desire. However, neither these gifts nor your lifetime of good deeds will be sufficient to avoid purgatory. The Bible clearly teaches that no amount of good deeds cause us to gain God’s approval. (See also Ephesians 2:8-9). If these actions and deeds were sufficient, there would have been no need for Jesus Christ to be condemned as a sinner and die a terrible and agonizing death on the cross. It is Jesus Christ who will save you from punishment following death, not your good deeds or the prayers of any saints. If you believe in Jesus Christ as your savior, you have a Great High Priest. If you have such a Great High Priest, then both now and in the very waning moments of your earthly existence, you can be free of any anxiety of whether you are accepted. Because Jesus now stands as your Great High Priest and ready to receive you as His child, you can have complete assurance of where you stand before Him.

Overcoming Anxiety

There is no end to the list of things for which we, as parents, can worry about on behalf of our children. Especially for those of us who have lost children, we seem to find every reasonable opportunity, and many unreasonable ones, to worry about our children. Whether in parenting, work, or even ministry, we can lose sight of the “big picture.” We can lose sight of our relationship with our Savior, Jesus Christ, in the midst of life’s busyness. I have recently been impacted by the reconciling of two passages found adjacent to one another in Luke 10. First, Jesus give us the parable of the Good Samaritan. Jesus shows the person whom the audience would least consider to be a “righteous” person, the Samaritan, to be the one carrying out God’s law, and not one of the two types of people that the audience would expect (either the Levite or the priest). Specifically, the Samaritan was “good” because he was carrying out God’s law by taking action on behalf of a distressed neighbor. Second, in the very next passage in Luke 10, we are provided a glimpse of an interaction between Jesus, Martha and Mary. Martha welcomed Jesus, his disciples and perhaps numerous others into her home. While Martha was busy providing for Jesus and all the other visitors, Mary sits at Jesus’ feet, enjoying fellowship with Him. In light of Jesus’ teaching on the Good Samaritan, one can easily resonate with Martha’s concerns expressed here. Like Martha, we ask Jesus, “Jesus, I am loving my neighbors and taking action by serving you and our guests. Jesus, can’t you tell her my lazy sister Mary to “take action?” In this teaching moment, Jesus unravels Martha’s motives, as well as our own. Jesus tells Martha, “you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary.” In her social and historical context, she certainly would have been expected to wait upon these guests. Mary demonstrated a love for Jesus and His presence by shunning these social pressures and seeking that one thing that is necessary—to love Jesus and commune with God. Without the centrality of Jesus Christ in our lives, our “to do” lists become so overwhelming that we lose sight of the very purpose for which we are undertaking our “lists.” The point of the story with Mary and Martha is that we are called to love God first, and then only after centering our affections in Christ leverage that affection for God into action by loving our neighbor. Like Mary, we ought to be mindful of everything that we put in our own lives to “busy” ourselves, so that we do not lost sight of that central love which should captivate our hearts—a love for Jesus. Otherwise, we will suffer from numerous and various forms of unnecessary anxiety. To name three: (1) We think we have to take certain actions, on our own, or else these tasks will not get done. But while God certainly uses us, God says that He does not need us. God is able to accomplish more than we can ask or think. Ephesians 3:20. While we think our own actions are indispensable, God’s ways are above ours. (2) We are inpatient in waiting on an answer from God, and try to take matters into our own hands. But only when we “let go” will we receive the very things that we seek from God. “We are anxious about what we will wear and eat. And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. …your father knows that you need them. Instead, seek His kingdom, and these things will be added to you.” Luke 12:29-31. (3) We push tomorrow’s problems into today. We wonder how we will pay for future expenses, for college, or deal with a spouse’s illness. Because all “these things” will be added to you whether we are anxious or not, “…do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself.” Mathew 6:34. Are we like Martha, constantly striving to do our “duty,” as we think of it? As we do our self-perceived duties, we take on more and more, and often lose sight of relationships in our midst. In particular, we can lose sight of the fact that our loving our neighbors as ourselves only comes from and after our relationship with Jesus. Let us not lose sight of our love for Jesus and, by reason of His great love for us, our need to rest from anxiety and busyness.

A Silent 7th Birthday

Today is Micah's 7th birthday. Heather, the kids and I honored his birthday today with a trip together to the cemetery, pizza, and birthday cake. The very suffering we are experiencing precludes us from answering some important questions. When we experience health issues, or relationship issues, we can draw upon the strength of others, or the support of our community. And we can often quite easily see or experience the practical implications of God's working this suffering for good-whether within our life or the life of the person who is suffering. But with a deceased loved one, we have birthday parties without the most important person in attendance. We cannot ask, or have answered, the questions we are dying to know: Micah, how are you? Do you know about your brothers and sister? Micah, do you even celebrate your birthday in Heaven? Can you eat cake? What did you eat for your birthday? Did you have friends "over?" If so, what are their names? In general, it has been a relatively quiet day today--not a lot of singing. And yet, as my mom reminded me this morning, we are called to sing (praise) Him, even when we don't feel it. "I will sing to the Lord because he has dealt bountifully with me." Psalm 13:6. On Micah's 1st birthday in 2009, we were just beginning to "unwind" from the shock of his death. Now, six years later, we have begun to see how wide the waves of impact that his life and death have had on us and others. We can't sing about missing Micah, or about his death, but we can sing in the sure hope of seeing him again, and ultimately knowing about all that God accomplished through his short life.