Past, Present, Future

When I travel to Lakewood Cemetery in Minneapolis to visit Micah’s grave, I have had occasion to consider the nature of grief and how my faith in Christ impacts the manner in which I grieve Micah’s passing. My faith in Jesus Christ has far-reaching implications on how I view the past, the present, and the future. And I’ve come to realize what I am really hoping for when I visit Micah’s grave at Lakewood Cemetery.

The Past.
Lakewood Cemetery is an old cemetery filled with many grave markers. Most of these markers are modest, although others are ostentatious, even obnoxious. These monuments and memorials detail the achievements of the deceased which, according to the most obnoxious markers, were very grand achievements. For many who grieve, the past is about the deceased person—about their accomplishments, their hobbies or interests, their passions, or about the financial legacy they left behind. For someone grieving apart from Jesus Christ, one must dwell on the past, because there is no present. All of those accomplishments detailed by the monuments are now over; all of the busyness of life, all of that human effort and activity is now still, buried in the midst of worms six feet under.

When I go to Lakewood Cemetery, I am like all the other mourners in that I, too, think about the past. I recall with great pleasure those tender moments of love and affection with our little son. I am so glad that Micah was with us, even if it was for only 9 months. But unlike those who grieve without Christ, our reflections on the past do not end where the memories of our loved ones began. For me, the redemption of Micah’s legacy did not happen at any point during his 9-month earthly life. His legacy is tied in to that event that occurred 2,000 years ago when Jesus Christ conquered death on our behalf. 1 Peter 3:18 says, “For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh but made alive in the spirit.” Jesus Christ took upon himself the penalty for sin that was due to us—death and an eternal separation from God. As a result of Christ’s death and resurrection, the death that should have been ours has been redeemed with the promise of eternal life.

Ultimately, in looking to the past, our focus is on God, not on Micah. While I relish our pictures, our memories of Micah from the past, we have much more reason to be thankful for what Jesus Christ did in the past. Jesus redeemed Micah’s death, and his eternal destiny, when he died and rose again, thereby defeating sin and death. As a Christian grieving the death of his son in a graveyard, I do dwell on the past—but the place where I try to dwell is on the cross, not Micah’s gravestone. The cross makes all the difference for a Christian grieving his son in a graveyard.

The Present.
Without a belief in Christ, then no matter how one “dresses up” life and death, you believe that the present is really all there is. As a result, you must “live for the moment.” Eat, drink, and be merry today because once dead, you believe that the life you’ve lived has no ramifications on your now extinguished soul. Present circumstances completely dictate one’s joy and fulfillment. And for the life of a loved one that has been extinguished, all one can do is live in the present gratification of knowing that the deceased loved one made full use of their past opportunities for living, however brief that lifetime was.

In contrast, those of us following Christ through grief are walking contradictions – filled with inexpressible joy at the hope of seeing the resurrection, even while, at the same time, deeply wounded by scars—scars from such things as bone marrow cancer, divorce, or a son lost to choking on a pea.

On the one hand, we are filled with great joy in knowing that each new day brings us closer to seeing our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ returning to us in glory. Paul told the Thessalonians, “Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.” 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14. This is not a fairytale; this is real. Our present joy arises in knowing that we really will see Micah again.

But on the other hand, even it hurts so very much to be separated from our son for now. Author Nancy Guthrie, who lost two infant children, says, “We have a hard time finding comfort in our future hope under the crush of the present pain. Resurrection can seem so religious, so unreal, so far removed.” Guthrie, Hearing Jesus Speak into Your Sorrow, 126. The Resurrection is certainly the only hope in making any sense of this mess of tears, anger, hurt, depression, denial and sadness. But even while living in this hope, God has appointed us to endure this heart-wrenching grief.

Thankfully, the Bible does not evade the reality of how hard our present circumstances press against us. In Romans 8, the Apostle Paul uses the word “groaning” to describe how we await the Resurrection. Romans 8:23. Paul gave no false misrepresentations about the suffering that will be faced by Christians. “For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.” Romans 8:36, citing Psalm 44:22.

Jesus himself understood the pain of living in the present even while living in the sure hope of future resurrection. He recognizes the severity of our grief and suffering in the present age. In John 11, we are told that Jesus had been away from Lazarus when Lazarus was very sick, then died. Martha, Lazarus’s sister, tells Jesus, “if only you had been here, my brother would not have died. But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.” John 11:21-22. Martha was not referring to how Jesus would ultimately raise her brother at the resurrection of all the dead. (See John 11:24) Rather, Martha wanted Jesus to rescue her brother from death now. She wanted to be relieved of the crushing burden of her present grief.

In response to this “temporal grief,” Jesus does two amazing things. First, Jesus was himself so overcome with emotion that we are told that he wept. John 11: 35. Regarding Jesus’ sorrow, the ESV Study Bible states, “Jesus’ example shows that heartfelt mourning in the face of death does not indicate lack of faith but honest sorrow at the reality of suffering and death.” ESV Study Bible, 2046. Even though he possessed resurrection power, and even though he knew that he was about to exercise this resurrection power, Jesus wept. Through his weeping Jesus demonstrated his bond with his friends and how burdened he is by our suffering. Second, Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead. We are told that Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out.” John 11: 43. Surely if he grieved over the temporal loss of his friend Lazarus, he grieves along with us now in the midst of our sufferings.

Future.
Without eternity in Christ, I don’t know of any hope for the future. But those of us grieving in Christ, we believe that the future is when all of this grief, heartache, and suffering will be redeemed. The future is bright, for it is filled with the radiance of God’s glory, demonstrated by the resurrection power of raising those men and women, young and old, from all ages past, who have been redeemed by Jesus Christ.

Heather and I have said that Micah’s death has given us a yearning for heaven that we really should have had even before Micah’s death. Along with so many others who have lost loved ones, the death of our son has caused us to look with increasing ardor past our present circumstances towards the coming resurrection. But for now, we must wait patiently for that day. “But if we hope for what we do not have, we wait for it patiently.” Romans 8:25.
Ultimately, I think I go to Lakewood cemetery to wait the coming resurrection. Here, at Lakewood Cemetery in Minneapolis, I wait for that moment when, just as Jesus did with Lazarus, and just as He will do to all of our loved ones who died in Christ, Jesus will say, “Micah, COME OUT!!” We live in the present, but we wait. Let’s continue to wait for the resurrection, for the day of our redemption is drawing near.

Some Thoughts About Anxiety

Since Owen was born 10 days ago, I have been blessed to be able to spend a considerable amount of time with our second son. I am so grateful for God’s gift to us of this little life. I am also inclined to be very anxious about Owen’s health. Every little cough sends me into a mini-panic. While Owen is sleeping, I periodically check Owen to make sure he is still breathing.

Based upon our last few life experiences with Micah, Heather and I have “earthly” reason to be anxious with Owen and his health. We know now, from personal experience, that any one of us could lose our earthly lives—even at a moment’s notice. And this thought has created a fair amount of anxiety for me. My “natural” inclination is to do everything humanly possible (and even things that are not humanly possible) to guard Owen’s health very closely.

But living in Christ means to cast this anxiety on Christ. Even in circumstances such as ours, when we have natural or “earthly” reasons to be anxious, we are called to unload this anxiety by giving it to God. Peter tells us in 1 Peter 5:7 to, “Cast all your cares upon him, for He cares for you.” Notice that Peter did not say, “Cast your cares for salvation on Jesus, but you better look out for the health of your children, or for traffic accidents, ulcers or bad health.” Peter says to cast ALL of our burdens upon Christ.

In Matthew 10, Jesus encourages his disciples to preach the gospel even in the face of strong spiritual opposition because of the fact that God is sovereign even over this spiritual opposition. Jesus says, “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.” Matthew 10:29-31. If God controls the life of relatively meaningless sparrows, how much more will God be involved in every aspect of our lives, including the opposition we face. No amount of opposition faced by the disciples in their ministries would catch the Father by surprise. Similarly, nothing in our lives will catch God by surprise.

Only because Jesus is sovereign over all of life can we throw, heave, unload all our burdens onto God. If we have a “small” view of God or the reach of his hands, then we can't go to him with our anxieties, because (at least in our mind) there would be aspects to our lives where God is indeed powerless. But because God is powerful over all of life, we can go to Jesus with our greatest fears and anxieties. Nancy Guthrie says, “We need our confidence in God’s goodness and justice to loom so large that we, too, can entrust ourselves to our Father without fear and without resentment.” Nancy Guthrie, Hearing Jesus Speak into your Sorrow, 18.

Ultimately, it is a form of pride for me to live in anxiety over Owen’s life. Anxiety assumes that I am in control--an assumption that should have been forever destroyed after I held my oldest son in my arms as he died. In contrast to anxiety, submission to God recognizes God's power and control over my life. I pray for a Christ-like submission to God's loving plan for Owen, for Heather and for me.

Give Thanks!

“Give Thanks to the Lord, for He is good;
For his steadfast love endures forever.” Psalm 136:1.

Heather and I are pleased to announce the birth of our second son, Owen Robert Wessman. Owen was born at 11:26 am on Friday, May 14, 2010. Owen weighs 7 pounds 13 ounces and is 22 inches long. Both Heather and Owen are healthy.

Last Friday, the verse that Heather and I had in mind throughout the delivery was Philippians 4:5-7: “The Lord is at hand. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Given our experiences, we have had earthly reason to be anxious for the health of our new little son. But the Lord gave us a sense of His presence; The Lord was “at hand” at Owen’s birth.

We are so very thankful for little Owen. We know that we are not entitled to another child. God does not “owe us” Owen. Owen is a gift —a gift that we are so grateful to receive.

We also know that no amount of anxiety on our part can do anything to change God’s sovereign plan for Owen. The same God who determines times and seasons, who sets up rulers and kingdoms, who determines allotments and lifespans has the life of little Owen in his arms. God’s plans for Owen, as they were for Micah, have not changed from the beginning. Psalm 139:16 says, “Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”

Hebrews 13:8 says, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” And, James 1:17 says, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.” God was not surprised by Micah’s death, nor was Owen’s life unplanned by God. God is working out his plan for Heather, for me, for Micah and for Owen. And these plans are unchanged. Let’s continue to trust that the Lord is at hand, and for the peace of God to guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Mother's Day Card

Mommy, if I could write a card
Then even though it would be hard
I’d write in the language of Heaven
Words of encouragement and affection

To tell you how much I love and miss you
How our time together was such a treasure
And how well you cared for me all the way through
My affection for you continues beyond measure

While my little life was so short in the world’s eyes
God’s great love for me now, in eternity,
Demonstrates that in my little life He does not despise,
But has a love for me vast, boundless and free

While I know this first Mother’s Day without me is so hard;
Live in the hope that this day is not forever marred
Because your short life will soon be over, and then forever, together, we’ll be
Mommy and Micah B.

Billy's Song for Micah

Our friend Billy wrote this little song based upon the poem I wrote for Micah's funeral.

Proof of Faith

A few months ago, I ran into a friend who seemed to know how Heather and I were doing and, at least in his opinion, think that we were doing well. “You know that you and Heather are amazing people,” he told me. When I didn’t say anything in response, he took my silence to mean disagreement with his comment (which it was). “Oh, I know, I know, it is all about God.” I then smiled in agreement.

My faith is not the result of my own will power to overcome death and tragedy—or simply the “power of positive thinking.” My faith is not based upon the superseding strength of my intellectual commitment to theism, Protestant Christianity, or my church’s statement of faith. My faith is not the result of wishful thinking, an attempt to honor my own family’s heritage of faith, or the desire for social approval.

None of these things, on their own, would be sufficient to continue to trust God following the death of my son. The devil’s power to tempt us to depression, denial or something equally destructive is far more powerful than any of these things, alone or together. In the absence of the Holy Spirit in my life, I would certainly not be leaning upon God in this tragedy. Left to our own strength and resources, Heather and I would NOT be following God after Micah’s death.

But praise God, for in spite of the occurrence of our worst nightmare, He has given us the gift of faith. This gift of faith brings with it a very tangible benefit--the Holy Spirit living and working in our lives. The Holy Spirit has not left us alone; He has comforted us with the love of Christ. In Titus 3:4-7 Paul says, “But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, He saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of the regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by His grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life.”

Charles Spurgeon taught that Christians should be grateful for trials because our faith is “proved” by the trials. “…Your faith in God is proved when you can cling to him under temptation. Not only your sincerity, but the divinity of your faith is proved; for a faith that is never tried, how can you depend upon it? But if in the darkest hour you have still said, “I cast my burden upon the Lord, and he will sustain me,” and you find he does sustain you, then is your faith that of God’s elect…” Charles Spurgeon, adapted from his sermon “A Joy in All Trials” in Be Still my Soul, edited by Nancy Guthrie, p. 105.

Heather and I could tell you that we could not do it on our own, no matter how hard we tried. To the extent that we have grieved well, it serves as a “proof” of our faith. It shows that the Holy Spirit is at work in our lives, comforting us in the words of Christ and teaching us to look at Micah’s death from an eternal perspective. By the “washing” of the regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, we are hoping in eternal life. Yes, our response to Micah’s death is indeed all about God.

Questions for Micah

Today marks 271 days since Micah has been gone. This marks the exact number of days that we had Micah with us on earth. Those days with Micah seem like a lifetime ago-- while identical in number of days, the days with him seem so short in comparison to these nearly 9 months since Micah has been gone. On this “anniversary” of sorts, I’ve thought of some questions that I’d like to ask Micah, if I could.

Do you remember, Micah, how I used to hold you up in the water while you kicked and punched the water, all the while shrieking in delight? Do you remember how energized you were by that really cold lake water? Micah, is there water in Heaven? Are there lakes? Do you like swimming? Does someone still need to hold your head above water when you “swim?” Or is it now possible for you to swim or float on your own, without fear of drowning?

Do you remember, Micah, how your daddy used to read you bedtime stories right before falling asleep? Do you remember tugging on your ears because you were so tired? Do you remember listening so patiently to me, as if you could understand everything I was saying? Does someone there read you bedtime stories?

Do you remember, Micah, all of our runs together, cruising the neighborhood in the running stroller together? Do you remember how you, me and our dog Sadie would run up and down the neighborhood streets together? Do you remember cooing at all of the dogs, the cats, the squirrels. Sadie would run ahead of us so fast that I thought Sadie could pull the running stroller herself. Do you remember how you would laugh and laugh at Sadie when she would cool herself down by swimming in Lake Hiawatha? Do you remember the sun, the breeze, and the two of us, just being together? Does someone push you in a stroller in heaven? Do they love being with you as much as I loved being with you?

Do you remember the little girl at Target who told you that you have "spiky" hair? Do you have spiky hair in Heaven? Is is as wild as it was on earth? Do you remember how I would run my hands through your hair, and you would look at me and smile? Does Jesus hold you in His arms? Does He smile at you like I used to?

Do you remember how much your mommy and I love you? Has Jesus told you how much He loves you? Has He told you what He has done for you on the Cross?

Do you know the sound of His voice? Can you still remember the sound of mine?