Strikeouts and a Walk-Off Home Run

 

We ended our seasons by striking out.  Each of the kids—Owen (16), Brendan (14) and Kinsley (13) each played on baseball or softball teams this year.  Each of them had successful years, individually.  Each of them not only lost their last game, but ended their season with their last plate appearance resulting in a strikeout. 

 

As we mark the 17^th anniversary of our son Micah’s homegoing today, we reflect on what we have lost in these past 17 years.  I assure our fellow grief sojourners that we never stop grieving.  You never stop missing the ones you hold dear.  We could not encourage Micah in music, sports and school. We could not enjoy encouraging his unique attributes flourish into who God made Micah to be.  From a worldly perspective, we struck out with Micah even before the game started.

 

But we live in the faith that there is more than what we see on the field and in our physical, temporal lives.  We trust in the God who not only created us, but sent His son Jesus to die for us, and to give us new life in Jesus.  That Jesus, because He is God, was able to take on the punishment that we deserved, and died the death we should have died, in order that we can experience God’s love for us eternally. 

 

We join the apostle Paul in trusting that God is sovereign over pain, suffering, and death.

 

“When the perishable puts on the imperishable, and the moral puts on immortality, then shall come to pass the saying that is written:

 

               “Death is swallowed up in victory.”

               Death, where is your victory?

               O death, where is your sting.

 

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.”

 

My senior year in college, I struck out to end my team’s season, and my college career.  All of us have stuck out—if not in baseball, but certainly in life.  But in Christ we have a great home run hitter.  We have the great Savior who will not only save us from our deaths, and resurrect our buried son, but show us how the grief and tears of the past 17 years have been worth it all.  Instead of a strikeout, Micah was intentionally walked, and then Jesus sent him Home to Heaven through a walk-off home run.  A home run, through no credit of Micah’s, but because of the superior ability of our Savior Lord.  All of us will likewise share in the victory that Micah experienced on July 27, 2009, when Jesus “hit him Home to Heaven” through the greatest of walk-off Homers.

God's Plans for Us

 

Are you happy that Micah died?

My daughter Kinsley’s question caught us a bit off guard.  Of course we are not happy that Micah died, we responded.  But we have seen so many blessings over the past 16 years.  Our daughter has picked up on how we have preached to ourselves the blessings of suffering.

We have been awakened to a spiritual world that would have otherwise been insulated from us in our own self-absorption.  We have learned the blessings of mutually-supporting relationships with fellow grieving parents.  We have learned the need for dependence on a good and sovereign God.  We are awakened to the needs of those around us.

God calls us to trust in him, even when we can “only see through a glass dimly.” (1 Corinthians 13:12).  As His thoughts are not our thoughts, and His ways are not our ways, so we cannot know all of the purposes he is accomplishing through our suffering.  If we thought we oversaw our own existence, we would have the difficulty of determining what sufferings we would allow ourselves to endure

About the faith of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abendego, Tim Keller wrote, “Their confidence was actually in God, not in their limited understanding of what they thought he would do.  They had inner assurance that God would rescue them….Their confidence was in God himself, not in some agenda that they wanted God to promote.”

We told that Kinsely that we don’t have to determine what types of sufferings are good for us; God does that for us.  Though we continue to see His purposes only through a dark glass, we look forward to seeing Him, face to face, when we can be happy in the presence of Jesus.

Happy 16^th Homegoing, Micah. 

 

A Certain Hope: 15 Years Since Micah's Homegoing

Many of us face tremendous uncertainty in various areas of life:

 

Uncertainty about our professional future or our finances;

Uncertainty about whether (or when) our country might fall apart;

Uncertainty about our health or relationships.

 

I was encouraged recently to remember that the Greek word used by Paul for “Hope” (“Elpis”) is actually better translated as "confident expectation."  Elpis implies that something is going to happen, and the subject is anticipating it with confidence. Rather than “hoping” that the promises of God might possibly come to pass, we can trust that even as we grieve tremendous loss, we grieve in certainty.  We can be certain in the redemption of all things, including our most difficult sufferings.  We can be certain that the God that spoke the entire universe into being by His words promises that we who mourn will be blessed (Matthew 4); that our sufferings bring Glory to God because they demonstrate God’s power (2 Corinthians 4), and that it will, somehow, someday, be ultimately for the good of those who love Him (Revelation 8:28). 

There are over 50 uses in the New Testament of “hope” (Elpis).  While we might be uncertain about our circumstances, we can be certain in all that God has promised for us in and through his son, Jesus Christ.   Romans 15:13 reads “May the God of confident expectation fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with confident expectation by the power of the Holy Spirit.” 

Thanks, friends, for your encouragement to us as we mark 15 years since Micah’s homegoing.

Thirteen Years

 Thirteen Years today since Micah went ahead of us into eternity.   Our lives are far more bearable today than in the past 13 years.  We are very blessed with three great living kids, a nice house, and jobs that seem to pay enough to put enough food on the table and even in the dog dish.

But we are not alone when we say with certainty that no amount of pleasant earthly circumstances can completely salve the wounds we experienced on July 27, 2009.  Whether you are a fellow bereaved parent like me, or someone who has already endured another form of significant suffering, you know just how deep human grief and suffering can travel into the depths of your soul.  Our lives were meant for eternity and for God, and significant suffering provides us with the blessing of knowing that nothing on this side of eternity can fill the void that only God can fill.  

On this 13^th anniversary of Micah’s death, we are again reminded of that which is our sole solace and hope, which is the redemption of all things, for all time, for all beings, for our good, and to God’s glory, when Jesus comes back to take us His bride to Heaven. "No eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined what God has prepared for those who love him."  1 Corinthians 2:9.  Hope for the Mourning is not ultimately found not in this world, but the next. 

Twelve Years: High Expectations of Heaven

“Under-promise and over-deliver.”  With the guidance of mentors, I have tried to implement this business proverb into my law practice.  But what of those who don’t seem to mind over-promising?  Are we willing to rely upon their boasts?  When it comes to faith, are we willing to take a chance on God, even though many of us have been abused by the unmet promises of salesman whose follow-up mantra is, “buyer beware,” and “all sales final.” 

Today, July 27^th, marks the 12^th anniversary of the death of our oldest son Micah.  As we mark yet another year without him, a friend and fellow grieving dad and I recently contemplated how we would interact with our deceased sons once we see them again in heaven.  Specially, how will they appear to us?  Will our sons appear the age of when they died on earth, or the age that they would be now, on earth, if they had not died?  More generally, will we even recognize our son?  What information will they already have, and what will we need to catch them up on?

I have low expectations for the coffee I (rarely) buy at a gas station.  I try to keep my expectations reasonable when it comes to my kids’ behavior, school and sport performance.  I am a relatively easy-to-please consumer.  The “cost” to me of these expectations is relatively low, because I did not give up much in return.  I have not staked my life satisfaction on these expectations.  But when it comes to my expectations for the results of significant suffering, such as the death of my son, I have extremely high expectations.

God makes audacious claims for those who stick it out in faithfulness to him and remain faithful to the end.  God has promised an eternity to us, his faithful children, that is currently uncontemplated for even the most imaginative of human minds.  In his first letter to the Corinthians, Paul writes, “No eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him.”   1 Corinthians 2:9. 

In Revelation 21:3-6, we read about Jesus’ bold, unmatched claims, claims that will either lead to us being the most pitiable of all mean for trusting in His promises, or be met in unspeakable glory for their grand fulfillment.  “And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man.  He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself with be with them as their God.  He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.  And he who was seated on the throne said, Behold, I am making all things new….to the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment. ”

In Fyodor Dostoyevsky’s novel, Brothers Karamazov, the main character Ivan Karamazov, attempts to make sense of suffering.  About the end result of our suffering, we says, “I believe like a child that suffering will be healed and made up for, that all the humiliating absurdity of human contradictions will vanish like a pitiful mirage….that in the world’s finale, at the moment of eternal harmony, something so precious will come to pass that it will suffice for all hearts, for the comforting of all resentments, for the atonement of all the crimes of humanity, of all the blood that they’ve shed; that is will make it not only possible to forgive but to justify all that has happened.”

I expect that in the world’s finale we will not have a collective memory purge of our sufferings, but a full recognition of the meaning and purposes of our sufferings.  God’s “making all things new” will show us the meaning to our deepest sufferings, such deep and profound meaning that each and every one of us will be glad for how God worked through suffering.  We will see how God has so orchestrated all of human existence, between human relationships and events, across thousands and thousands of years, that our suffering will turn out for God’s glory and our good.

If I were to die now, I imagine a game of baseball catch with my 13-year old son.  We would play under the shade of the cherry tree we planted in Minneapolis the summer after he died, having full knowledge of the pain that his death caused us, but by reason of the demonstrated goodness of God, knowing that God’s redemptive purposes made the pain worthwhile.  While we have wept a thousand times for our Micah, we shall live ten thousand times ten thousand years together in eternity.     

And not just us, but all of us can live in high expectations of God’s redemptive purposes.  Each of us will say, about our individual and collective sufferings, “Yes, it was worth it all, in the end.” Our losses during a finite lifespan will ultimately be viewed like finite drops of water in an infinite ocean.  How much more significant are the relationships forged through the fire of affliction in contrast to a few years of life lived in relative ease.  I fully expect that God will over-deliver on His promises, even with such audacious claims.

Our Weakness As Godly Gain

 On this Easter, I have been reflecting on how the nature of our “topsy-turvey,” upside-down, inside-out, role-reversed faith.  At Easter, we revel in the fact that we are not saved by our own good acts, the length of our lives, or the wealth we accumulate or give away.  Instead, we stand in complete and utter dependence on Jesus’ physical death and physical resurrection more than 2,000 years ago.  Our hope is inextricably tied to the power of the Resurrection of Jesus. 

In 1 Corinthians 1:27, Paul writes,

“God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God.  And because of him who are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.”

Many of us who lost children in infancy or youth struggle with understanding God’s purposes and the child’s ongoing legacy.  So many of us wanted a different legacy for our children.  But the great role reversal of the Christian faith is that we have every assurance that the eternal destiny and legacy of those who are saved by Christ is secure by reason of Jesus’ work for us.  Jesus is my wisdom, my righteousness, my redemption, just as Jesus is Micah’s wisdom, righteousness, and redemption. 

To the degree that we can “boast,” or take pride in, our own achievements, we have the tendency to focus our thoughts and efforts on those tasks.  But if we are weak in the eyes of the world – if we are sick, sad, stupid, disheveled, and poor--we remove some of our natural inclinations towards making much of ourselves.  When you feel week in the eyes of the world, how does that magnify God?  To the degree that we spend little to no focus on our own merits and efforts to merit attention, we magnify God’s good name.  In some sense, then, I must align my own legacy in humility to be the same as my first born and now deceased son Micah’s legacy.   On this Easter, we do well to align our true subjective hope with the objective reality of the Resurrected and Risen Lord. 

 

11th Anniversary of Micah's Homegoing

Today marks the 11^th anniversary of Micah’s sudden death on July 27, 2009.  Without a doubt, we miss Micah’s presence with our family.  We wonder how each of Owen, Brendan and Kinsley would have benefitted from having an older brother.  Both our kitchen table and our dining room table have room for six, and so we are always sitting with that one empty chair—a thrice daily reminder of the weight of the loss we have endured. 

On this 11^th anniversary of Micah’s unexpected death, Heather and I have also felt the weight of the continued outpouring of the love and support from our family and friends.  We marvel at the time and personal expense absorbed by those who have taken the time to write, call or meet us in order to support us in our grief.  We are amazed at the generosity of friends and even acquaintances who have given so generously to Hope for the Mourning so that the ministry can reach out to fellow grieving parents.  We glad to report that our work days were very unproductive by reason of all the emails, texts and calls we received. 

Again on this anniversary, we thank the Lord again for these fellow grieving couples who showed us God’s love, even through their own brokenness in grief.  To paraphrase and apply the words of encouragement from Paul in 2 Corinthians 4, our friends are, in their sacrifices to us, “carrying in their bodies the death of Jesus,” so that the life of Jesus might be displayed in the lives of Cory and Heather Wessman.” 2 Corinthians 4: 11.  These friends have taken it upon themselves to absorb a cost of some kind on our behalf, whether emotional, physical, time or financial, so that we can be encouraged.  It is our prayer that, in some small way, we can take on that same “death” in our own bodies. 

Earlier today, about fifty of our friends showed us this sacrifice in very tangible terms.  Beginning at 5:30 am this morning, we conducted our third annual “Hills for Hope” challenge.  Each of the participants agreed (yes, of their own free choice!) to complete an obstacle course that entailed:

1.       Running straight up the “Bigfoot” Ski Run at Hyland Hills ski area, then back down;

2.       Completing 10 burpees, 20 pushups and 30 situps;

3.       Repeating 1 and 2 as many times as possible (one “loop”) over 90 minutes!

The participants pledged a “poor loop” pledge.  With a total of 334.5 loops completed, our team was able to raise $12,919 for Hope for the Mourning!

These friends quite literally carried pain and weakness in their bodies for 90 minutes (well, and for an indeterminate number of days following today’s event) in order to allow the life of Jesus to be displayed in others. Just as others have used their own sufferings to bless us in our own grief journey, these friends suffered in a physical and financial sense, in order to encourage us and others.  Thanks, friends, for carrying the cost in our bodies, in order that we might experience the love of Christ in our own lives, and pass along that love to others through Hope for the Mourning.

A "COVID-19" Easter Saturday

We live in unprecedented times.  Our schools, jobs, and churches are all physically closed.  Our family members are sick and might even be dying, with no help on the immediate horizon for a vaccine for the COVID-19 coronavirus.  Many of us have lost jobs or, if we have not lost our job, have taken pay cuts and are forced to work from home.  There, we try to keep our careers afloat while also trying to manage the education of our children under less than ideal learning environments.

We are experiencing, to a lesser extent, what the disciples felt on that “Easter Saturday.”  Six days prior, their long-awaited savior had entered Jerusalem on Palm Sunday to the accolades of the Jewish onlookers, those who hoped in Jesus as their long-awaited political savior.  In the span of a few short days, all of the hopes of those closest to Jesus were dashed.   We might try to imagine just how devastated those disciples felt that Saturday.  They put all their “eggs in one basket” and, when their Savior breathed his last breath on that dark Friday afternoon, they felt like they lost everything.  With the benefit of scripture and history, we can see how much the disciples “missed” when it came to the prophecies of Jesus’s resurrection, both from the Old Testament prophets as well as Jesus himself.  Yet we are similarly caught in the historical moment, grieving the loss of what we had assumed to be ours; certain, or at least predictable, outcomes for our family, our careers, and our finances. 

In these most difficult of times, God calls us to trust him for the health of our family, for our career and finances and even the educational outcomes of our kids.  We must trust him for the fact the He will provide, even though we can’t presently see how He will provide.  The Bible says that God’s riches and wisdom are so deep, that his judgements are “unsearchable” and that his ways are beyond “tracing out.”  Romans 11:33.  While we won’t understand all of God’s ways, that does not mean that there are not good and noble purposes being achieved through our present circumstances. 

In the book of Job, we see a righteous man lose it all--his family, his fortune, and even his health.   Job expresses his grievances against God for God’s plan, a plan that while we can see through the Biblical narrative, Job was never granted access to.  As God came to Job in the whirlwind, God reminded Job to whom it was, precisely, that Job was airing his grievances.  None of us built the universe, including its gravitational forces, all living beings therein, and even the corona virus itself.  We cannot see how time and space interact; we cannot see the end from the beginning.  (Job 38-41).  While God ultimately provided Job another family, his fortune and his health, he was never given access to God’s plan for his life.

Since we are within time and space, we can not be so presumptuous as to believe that we know the outcome of our present difficulties. Should not the COVID-19 crises alert us to the very dependency on God that our life circumstanced had heretofore masked?  Is it possible that God wants to do something through our professional and family life to achieve an outcome more eternally significant than the outcome we planned for ourselves and our family?

Earlier today, we made our annual “easter weekend” visit to Micah’s cemetery.  There, we talked to our living kids about death, grief, and what it might mean to be resurrected when Christ comes again.  Certainly, these precious  gospel opportunities might have been created through other means had Micah not died.  But if any one of our living child’s faith journey, or anyone else’s faith journey, has been positively impacted by the story of our deceased Micah,  it will redound to God’s glory in orchestrating such an outcome through Micah’s death.  We live in the hope that a thousand, or perhaps even a hundred thousand, such gospel opportunities will, in the end, demonstrate the goodness of God in orchestrating a life and death that is otherwise difficult to accept. 

But regardless of whether we find any circumstantial blessings to our present sufferings, we must immerse ourselves in the promises of scripture so that we can live in the joy of our eternal significance.  After all, COVID-19 has taken nothing from us that is of eternal significance.  If we focus exclusively on the loss of our income, relationships and physical opportunities, we will miss these opportunities to focus on our eternal blessings that cannot be lost.  1 Peter 1: 3-6 says, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ!  By his great mercy He has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, reserved in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power for the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time.”

On Easter Saturday, the disciples needed to wait upon the Lord only for a few short hours before their hopes and dreams were realized with the empty tomb, with Jesus Christ resurrected.  In our case, how long will we need to wait?  Whether for a few hours or a lifetime, let us pray and wait in hope, knowing that, as has often been said, “It is Friday, but Sunday is coming!”  Happy Easter to you and your family from the Wessman household.

10 Blessings on the 10th Anniversary

Today marks ten years since Micah’s death.  On this 10^th anniversary, Heather and I thought we would share ten ways in which Micah’s short life and sudden death continue to impact us, even ten years later. 

We can have certainty in our eternal destination.   Before Micah died, I never gave much consideration to whether young children are saved.  But when Micah died, it was no longer an abstract question. I jumped into the deep end of the theology pool to ascertain what the Bible says about the eternal destination of those who, like Micah, died before reaching an age of individual responsibility.  Having spent a considerable amount of time researching the question, I came away not only certain of my own son’s eternal destiny, but also continue to benefit from the certainty of my own salvation.  Both Micah and I are saved for all eternity by the blood of Jesus Christ, and nothing I do, or Micah didn’t do, can take away from that salvation.  “For it is by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing, it is the gift of God, not as a result of works, so that no one can boast.”  Ephesians 2:8,9.  Some of us try to “justify” ourselves by our balance sheets, our achievements, or the number of “good works” that we complete in our lives.  God saved Micah for the pure pleasure of demonstrating his superseding power and goodness, juxtaposed against the self-righteousness of those who think they can personally achieve moral standing before Him by good works.   Paul says, “….God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God.”  1 Corinthians 1:26-31.  The assurance of Micah’s salvation is a great promise for each of us that our own eternal destination is independent of our moral acts, and for that all of us have reason to be thankful. 

Suffering redefines “our good” from God’s perspective, not ours. Be very careful about quoting Romans 8:28 flippantly to anyone enduring great suffering.  In that verse, Paul tells us, “And we know that all things work together for good, who have been called according to his purpose.”  When your son dies, your dreams die along with him.  If we flippantly encourage parents with promises based upon an improvement in their circumstances, such as, “don’t worry, you’ll have more children,” or “the pain will get easier,” or “just think positive,” we miss the point of the passage.  God didn’t allow the death of our son to improve our circumstances, but to achieve God’s purposes for us.  In the words of a friend, Romans 8:28 is not for “our best life now” (yes, think Joel Osteen) but “our best life later, much later, as in all of eternity.”  What we believe to be good is not necessarily God’s best for us.  This discovery of God’s best may be painful, and may seem to lead in all sorts of painful, circuitous paths, but we can trust that it is ultimately for our good.

God uses suffering to give us an eternal perspective. “If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not things that are on earth.” Colossians 3:1-4. Regardless of what interests and background we have, we tend to surround ourselves with people who think the same way we do, value the same things we do, and reinforce for us, in our own minds, that same value system.  Workplace accolades, financial rewards, and other life circumstances are what I call the “idols of the immediate.” I often wonder how much of what we consider “important” in our minds or our own social circles are just these idols of the immediate—that is, empty promises of satisfaction that, if followed wholeheartedly throughout a lifetime, will only lead to disillusionment and then ultimately destruction.  A continuing, ongoing blessing from Micah’s death is that it is such much easier to pick up on those idols of the immediate and reject them for what they are, and then refocus our lives and energies where they ought to be--on the eternal. I’m certain that, in the absence of Micah’s death, Heather and I would be more closely tied, in heart, thought and action, in achieving what we want on this life, the idols of the immediate, the “things on this earth.” For us, Micah’s death meant that we could more easily focus on matters of eternal significance.

God gives us daily sustaining grace to meet each day’s trials. In those first few weeks following Micah’s death, we could not fathom thinking to the future.   Every hour seemed to be a chore;  it was too much to bear to think of the future that lay ahead.  If we were to pull forward the sufferings that we know we were to endure in the future, we could not possibly hope to endure.  But God gives us sufficient grace today to meet today’s promise, promises to meet tomorrow’s problems with the future grace he will provide. “But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope; The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”  Lamentations 3:21. We cannot now see the thousands of interim blessings that God will provide each day, every day, until we see Jesus.  Who can predict what little encouragements--the emails, phone calls, times together with family and friends -- will arise in the meantime, as an answer to prayer, to provide us with the grace that we need to endure? 

Praise God when you are in the sanctuary, because it pays off when you are in the dark.  In Psalm 63, David writes, “O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory. Because you steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you.” Psalm 63:1-3. What kept David’s faith alive through difficult days was a reflection upon all that God had done for him in the past and to trust that God would similarly use the present sufferings for his ultimate good. David’s reflections upon certain past blessings (his time spent “in the sanctuary”) keep him going through difficult days. For us, it can be the memory of past experiences, when we are walking along the mountaintops of life, in the sunshine with God, that could maintain our faith in a good and sovereign God even through the dark valleys of life. God gave us great days with Micah, as he does now with our living children.  If we were to continually remind ourselves of these past experiences of God in our life, resulting in blessings to us both large and small, then we should be able to keep praises of God “continually on our mouths.” (Psalm 34:1). Then, when nothing seems to be going right in life, we can bring these blessings to mind, and use them as footholds of faith when we otherwise can’t see the benefits of suffering. 

God’s plans for us are beyond tracing out.  We were not able to become parents as quickly as we hoped.  Then, when Micah died, we wondered in light of our previous infertility issues if we would ever have children.  Given what we knew, we had no reason to believe that we would be parents.  Quite unexpectedly, our second son Owen was born within a year of Micah’s death.   Micah’s death, coupled with the other circumstances surrounding Owen’s birth, made it clear to us that God’s hand was clearly in all these circumstances.  Which makes us wonder, what unexpected results will come from our current sufferings?  What will God accomplish through our parenting blunders, our breast cancer, our health setbacks, and other difficulties?  Oh the depth of the riches and of the wisdom and knowledge of God!  How unsearchable are his judgements, and his paths beyond tracing out!  Romans 11:33.

God uses the humble encouragement of fellow believers.  In the past few years, Heather and I have been so encouraged by the humility and sacrifice of many friends.  These friends have demonstrated the type of love that Paul refers to when he says, “…do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others more significant than yourselves.” Philippians 2:3.  Some acquaintances like to tell us what we should do; others don’t want to make the commitment to take the time to listen.  One of the striking characteristics in our friends is the humility involved in ministering to us.  It is a difficult, exhausting, and time-consuming task to sit across the table from someone who needs to be heard. Humility is telling a friend “I don’t know how I can help you, but I’m here to be quiet, sit with you, listen, and then pray together.”  What a blessing to have friends who have the humility to encourage us at great personal cost.

As Christians, we can live simultaneously in both joy and sorrow.  In Paul's words, we are "...as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing." 2 Corinthians 6:10. While the waves of grief are shallower, and less frequent, then they were a few years ago, we continue to grieve. We face the realities of death "head on," not ignoring grief, or pretending that grief does not significantly impact us in so many ways. From the outside, our lives are filled with many good things, and have the opportunity to take joy in our children. But the absence of our oldest son from our family creates a "hole" in our lives and in our affections. No matter how otherwise "happy" we think we can be, we recognize that we will never be truly satisfied on this side of eternity. It will not be until we see Jesus that these "holes" will be filled. For this reason, Paul can say that any Christian, regardless of his or her circumstances, can be rejoicing, since one's ultimate source of happiness and joy comes from our relationship with Jesus. For us, and I know for many other grieving parents, the ongoing blessing of a "missing" child is the continual reminder that this world is not our true home, and that we long for that day when we will be welcomed home. Until that day, we look ahead in both sorrow and joy.

Only God provides a sure foundation for our future. Just a few days before Micah died, Micah was a happy and perfectly healthy little boy.  We had no reason to believe that Micah would be taken from us so suddenly.  Our son’s death showed us that we are impotent to control our future, and the future of our children.   In Psalm 73, the Psalmist is initially frustrated by the apparent physical and financial prowess of the godless people around him in light of his own suffering. And then, after entering into worship and prayer with God, he was able to re-center his affections in God. "Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:25-26. When suffering through the death of a child, facing financial or career difficulties, or enduring health challenges, we remember that we are “a mist that appears for a time and then vanishes.”  James 4:13-15. Our sufferings educate us as to the temporal duration of any source of stability and significance outside of Christ, and point us to the only true source of eternal stability. 

We should “seize the day” and enjoy our family for God’s glory. As each of our three living children passed the 9 month mark, which corresponded with the length of Micah’s earthly lifetime, we took special note of each of them.  Each of them looked so much the same as Micah at that age: the wide grin, the blue eyes, the near-white blonde hair. They were (at the time!) gentle in spirit, pleased to just giggle and take all of life in. Our earthly lifetimes are certainly too short of a timeframe to begin to understand all of the possible ramifications of each of our lives, including Micah’s. But I am increasingly certain of one implication, to me personally, of Micah’s death. I am so grateful, and so appreciative to God, for every waking moment with living kids. “When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him?” Psalm 8:3-4. Who are we to receive these blessings from God? Everything is grace. Nothing is deserved. Everything is extra. Nothing is owed to me. Will you give your living kids an extra hug, knowing what an extra privilege you have to parent living children?  Carpe Diem, I say, but to the Glory of God.

Redemptive Memory

July 27^th is not a welcome day in our house.  So much about this time of year-- whether the length of the long summer days, the sunshine, the humidity, and even the relative calm of a mid-summer schedule, bring back memories we wish we could escape. It was on this date in 2009 that our son Micah, a happy little 9-month old boy, died as a result of a confluence of events. Many people in grief, or who have endured great suffering, are said to “live in the past.”  Because current circumstances create such pain in their lives, some people who have endured great hardship try to avoid current circumstances and hold on to everything about the past that provided them joy.  In that vein, we might look back at a particular event and consider its worth, to us, based only upon the joy or usefulness it brought to us in that particular moment.  For the nine years that have past since that awful July day in 2009, we have come to painfully associate the attributes of a midsummer day in Minnesota with the memories of our son’s death. 

But God does not view history the way we do.  God is working out our redemption through our framework of time.  In his book, A Grace Revealed, theologian Jerry Sittser describes the importance of using “redemptive memory” so that we can be encouraged by how God is using our history to shape us.  Sittser writes, “We see the scope of the biblical story unfold before us, situated, as we are, some two thousand years after it ended.  But the characters we read about did not have the vantage point we have not because they were inside the story.  They chose to trust God and follow him into an unknown future, however slim the evidence of a bigger story that could make sense out of their little ones.” 

I want to offer three observations about how I have struggled with having a “redemptive memory” related to my own grief. 

·         Embrace Our Temporality.  First, while God is above and outside time, God fully expects us, as temporal beings, to only be able to comprehend life sequentially.  Joe Rigney writes that our temporality is not sinful; that it is at the essence of who were created to be, and who we will be for all eternity.  The author of Hebrews writes, “These [the patriarchs] all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth.”  Hebrews 11:13. To believe we can possibly understand all of the purposes that God has achieved in our suffering is to misunderstand our temporality. But God is calling us, nonetheless, to trust that He is using time as a key ingredient in the recipe he created for our sanctification and His own glorification. 

·         Patiently Bear the Sufferings of Others.   Second, we must patiently bear patiently with others as God works in their lives, in His time, just as He works in us, in His time.  The Apostles rejoiced in having suffered for His name, and that they bore each others’ burdens and shared everything in common. Acts 5:41. We as members of Christ’s body are called to suffer with one another, and to encourage one another.  God’s multivariable calculus is such that, with regard to any one particular source of grief or suffering, He might be using the suffering in one matter for one purpose, for a second person for a second purpose, and to a third person, at an altogether different point in time, for a third purpose.   Heather and I have been so blessed by those in the Body of Christ who, having endured a similar type of suffering at a time well before our own suffering, are able to speak words of truth and encouragement to us at the point in time when it was most needed.  As members of the Body of Christ, we are called to share our sufferings with others, as well as our encouragement, knowing that God can work both suffering and encouragement together for our common good.   2 Corinthians 1:6.   

·         Live in the Joy & Suffering Paradox.  Third, we are called to live in a joy and suffering paradox.  We are admonished to respond in joy to what God is doing in our lives in light of all eternity. James writes, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness …” James 1:2-4.  But even while living in joy in our eternal future, we can take great solace in how Jesus showed us how to embrace the grief of temporal suffering.  In John 11, we read that Jesus was so moved by the death of his friend Lazarus that, even with the knowledge of how He would shortly raise Lazarus to life, Jesus embraced the grief with his own tears.  While God is above and outside of time, he is somehow also in it, and can commiserate with us now, in our own grief.  We can therefore live in an ongoing and continually paradox of emotions—with both great grief in earthly loss, and yet great joy in the hope of the coming redemption of all things, including our greatest of sufferings.   As Paul says in 2 Corinthians 6:10, we are “…as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing.”

The great news of the gospel is, among many other things, that we are part of the larger redemptive story and that no one event, however, tragic, can and should define us.  The cross, in itself, is the most egregious event every perpetrated on another human.  But the testimonies of millions of believers across the span of two thousand years, including our very own, demonstrate that the legacy of the Cross is not just the unjust sentence, torture, and death endured by God.  It is the redemption of those who are called by God.  

In our case, the idea of “redemptive memory” does not mean that we should try to forget the great grief.  We think of how Micah died and how if in any one of a number of things would have gone differently, he would still be with us today.  But at the same time, it is far too early for me to write a definitive account of Micah’s life and legacy.  The way in which Micah died cannot be viewed as a self-contained event having meaning within itself.  It must be viewed along with the various and numerous grace-filled blessings that have arisen in our lives by reason of it. Just as the Cross of Christ cannot be viewed outside of its redemptive impact on human history, so also we should view our sufferings in light of what God has done, and continues to do, by reason of our son’s death.

2018 Hope for the Mourning Running Team

Again this year, we are looking for runners to participate in our Hope for the Mourning Running Team. We ask each runner to commit to raising at least $250 in total contributions. Each runner would solicit his or her own personal contacts in an effort to raise as much as possible for the Hope for the Mourning ministry.

YOUR RACE OPTIONS: All races are part of the Medtronic Twin Cities Marathon family of races on October 6-7. 2018. You have the opportunity to run in one of four different races:

 -Participate in the 5K on Saturday, October 6th
 OR
 -Participate in the 10K on Saturday, October 6th
 OR
 -Participate in the 10 Mile on Sunday, October 7th. (Members of the 10 Mile team will need to win a lottery in order to participate; if a runner is not selected as part of the lottery, he or she will run in the 10 K.)
 OR
 -Participate as a runner in the TC Marathon on Sunday, October, 7th.

YOUR WEEKEND BENEFITS: As in previous years, all members of the Hope for the Mourning running team will receive:

           Registration for the desired race;
           The Medtronic Marathon “finisher’s” t-shirt provided by the race;
           A Hope for the Mourning long-sleeve race to wear proudly on race day;
           An invitation to you and your family to join us for the pasta dinner on Friday night, October                5th.

NEW FOR 2018!!! Since we seek to provide support to the entire family, we have decided to encourage more youth to be involved in our fundraising event. Any youth (up to age 16) can register to participate as a “HFTM Runner”, just like the adults. The youth HFTM runner can register for any of the events listed above or the 1 mile run on Saturday, October 6th. The weekend benefits are the same as the adults. We ask each youth runner to commit to raising at least $50 in total contributions. Each youth runner would solicit his or her family and friends in an effort to raise as much as possible for the Hope for the Mourning ministry.

THE CAUSE Through your efforts, the contributions raised in support of the ministry have allowed us to reach the families grieving the passing of these children:

Jonathan Wurz

Kate Fronek

                                                                          Daniel Peso

The Wurz, Peso and Fronek families, along with more than 180 other families, each received a care package in the past year. Each care package includes an invitation to respond to us. While not every family is in the same position to respond to us, we are honored to be of assistance to many families who chose to respond. Locally, we’ve been able to meet with several of the families who have lost children in the past year and who have received care packages. Through your generous efforts, we are able to minister to these families.

 We invite you again to make a difference in the lives of hurting families by letting them know through this ministry that there is Hope For The Mourning. Please respond to Craig Wessman by JUNE 29TH of your own interest in being part of the 2018 Team. Additionally, if you have a family member, friend, colleague that might also be interested in joining the 2018 team please forward this page on to them and have them respond back to Craig Wessman at this address: candkwessman@gmail.com . For more information about Hope for the Mourning, go to: www.hopeforthemourning.com

The Deeper the Cost, The Greater the Prize

We, like many grieving parents, wondered what sin we committed in the past that prompted God’s removal of our son Micah from our lives. Other parents come with a sense of self-righteousness, believing that because they had previously been faithful to God, God had no “right” to take a child from them. Both lines of thinking are really a self-centered, self-created form of righteousness, a type of righteousness that God clearly does not ascribe to. Throughout the Old Testament, God uses the law to show how distinctly different (“Holy”) He is. Our human inclination, to every fiber of our being, is bent upon making ourselves dependent on ourselves, to make what few things we can do relatively well as the epicenter of a self-created system of righteousness. The death of Christ is the demonstration that our greatest works are completely insufficient to bring us into relationship with God. Pastor Tim Keller says, “We are more sinful and flawed in ourselves than we ever dared believe, yet at the very same time we are more loved and accepted in Jesus Christ than we ever dared hope.” The good news of the Gospel is that our earthly circumstances are not the result of a transaction with God based upon our performance, about us fulfilling some set of rules. Rather, our relationship with God has been set permanently by the blood of Christ on the Cross. The Apostle Paul says, “And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross.” Colossians 2:13-14. God will glorify Himself through us, and the lives of our children, living and deceased, and in Him now we can take the utmost joy. The more we understand the cost that Jesus paid for us, the more appreciation we have for the prize we have in our salvation in Christ. We pray that on this Easter, you would take great joy in God.

Holding on to the Promises.

Today is Micah’s 8th birthday. Like many grieving parents, we could try to live in the past in order to find “joy” in the memory of those brief, fleeting “happy” moments. But what hope does that bring for the future? A present hope in God, continually renewed by the Holy Spirit speaking to us through the promises of scripture, must be the sole source of our significance and hope for the future.

We grieve how short Micah’s time with us was. But ultimately it is not Micah’s tragedy that we grieve, it is sin itself. For even with our life-long spouses and friends, we will ultimately be separated by death. In contrast, we are promised in scripture that, if we are trusting in God now, that we will be with Him forever (Psalm 73). Our hope in each other and ourselves will disappoint, if it has not already. In contrast, Jesus promises a joy in himself that will never end. (John 4). Jesus shared with the outcast Samaritan woman at the well the same startling truth that He knows we need--that nothing on this earth can fill us with the joy in Him. The great promise of our faith is that joy in God is exceedingly greater than anything else offered by this brief physical life. On Micah’s 8th birthday, we hold on to this promise.

High Expectations of God

In my law practice, I try to "under-promise" and "over-deliver." That is to say, I try to manage the expectations of my prospective clients to make sure he or she understands precisely what I can do, and what I cannot do. Ultimately, I want to make sure I complete those tasks we agree upon, but avoid any misunderstandings beyond those tasks. In contrast, God tells us that our expectations of Him can never be high enough. We are told in Ephesians 3 that God is "able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us..." Ephesians 3:20. Rather than attempting to minimize the significance of our earthly and temporary trials, God promises that the end result is greater than we dare imagine. None of us can escape the impact of sin; whether the premature death of a child, job or marriage loss, or poor health, all of us feel the profound grief of an unacceptable earthly existence. We were created to look for, and experience, true and lasting pleasure and significance. Rather than ending a search for lasting pleasure and significance, God tells us to switch our pursuit from whatever occupies our thoughts, now, to a pursuit of Him. Whatever we are currently enduring, He promises that He will make it worthwhile. "Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you...My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips..." Psalm 63:3,5. Rather than lower our expectations in life, let's look to God to give us hope, and look to see how He will meet those high expectations.

On the 7th Anniversary of Micah's Homegoing

Could we show that Micah belonged to us, and not to God? Could we show that Micah's death was a surprise to God, and not within his plan? Could we show that Micah's death was God's punishment, and not as an act of love? If just one of these three legs of the three-legged stool were kicked out, then our faith would topple over like a misshapen top. We would be justified in living a life of self-absorption, of fear, of anger, or a combination of all three. And yet God has shown us through life and scripture that He, in fact, upholds all three legs of our faith. God says, "Who has first given to me, that I should repay him? Whatever is under the whole heaven is mine." Job 41.11. "[God] can do all things, and no purpose of His can be thwarted." Job 42:2. On this, the 7th anniversary of Micah's death, we submit in reverence to the love, power, and plan of God.

My Email to a Sick Friend

Like Job’s friends, I think many of us have a tendency to want to give the “easy” or “Sunday school” answer to you in these difficult days. We want to simply assure you that God is in control and therefore all of this “will work together for our good.” (Take Romans 8:28 out of context). But such “pat” answers eliminate the reality of your pain—your physical pain and the relational pain it causes between you, family members and even God. We ask questions like, “What possible good could come from this?” Lord, whatever lesson you are trying to teach me, did you have to impose such a burden on me. There HAS to be a more efficient way of glorifying yourself through me and my life, considering the havoc that this is wrecking on our finances, my career, our marriage, and our family. Lord, if you are in control, why can’t you stop it? I pray that the Lord would put an end to your sufferings immediately. But if it does not, I pray that you would bear patiently under the stresses of this health, even as you wait for your “redemption” from both the physical healing you need your lack of understanding in God’s purpose in all of this. In 2 Corinthians 4:8, Paul says he is “afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair.” I pray that you and your family would moment-by-moment bring your petitions, physical ailments, and needs before him so that, while you can quite rightly be perplexed by God’s purposes, you would not give up (“be driven to despair.”) King David could sleep soundly in the knowledge that the Lord would preserve him from the thousands who followed Absalom and wanted his very life. Likewise, I pray that you would trust in God to heal you. “Arise, Or Lord! Save me, O my God! For you strike all my enemies on the cheek; you break the teeth of the wicked.” Psalm 3. May God break the teeth of your ailments. I pray that in your struggle with God over meaning and purpose, that you would come out of this current phase with an increased reliance on Him, knowing that while His ways are above and beyond our understanding, that He can accomplish great and lasting changes through us and our mortal bodies.

Living for His Immediate Return

In the months after Micah died, Heather and I felt ready for Jesus’ immediate return. We wanted nothing more to be Home, in Heaven, with Jesus and Micah. But as the years pass, so have the concerns of life cluttered this perspective. Jobs, career, financial and family concerns have competed in our affections for what had previously been an unopposed desire to be in Jesus’ immediate presence. In concluding the book of Revelation, Jesus tells us to be ready at any moment for his return. “And behold, I am coming soon.” Revelations 22:7. Seeing as this was written some 2,000 years ago, I used to feel (as no doubt a skeptic would) as though God has owed millions of His followers an apology. How can He be trusted if we told he is coming back "soon," and now we must wait so long? How can this return be "immediate?" In fact, I have come to believe so strongly that it is no mistake to live one’s life as if Jesus’ return is not just within our lifetime, but within the very week, the very day, the very hour. As humans, we must have affections that stir us to action. We cannot stay in neutral when it comes to living in affection. Nor can we put certain affections “on hold,” and then return to those affections at some later date. Our immediate affections will, in the absence of some extraneous force, become our long-term affections. We cannot tell ourselves that we will follow Jesus only after we complete our degree, or settle down into a career, or have children. God knows that one’s future character is intricately linked to our current one, and that our current character will dictate what type of person we will become. If emulating Christ is indeed what is best for us, and ultimately is what is most satisfying, then God’s encouragement to live as if He is returning tomorrow is indeed most loving. In the perspective of God’s history, not our current earthly timeline, a 1,000 years is like a day. In the perspective of all eternity, our lifetimes will be the duration of a vapor; indeed, the 2,000 years will be a small fraction of all human history. If God truly loves us, why would he not encourage us to avoid the frivolities of current American life, and focus on that which will be of value in eternity? I pray that Heather and I can return to this same perspective, looking in eager anticipation for turning the page on the end of this short, brief temporal existence into an eternity filled with the worship of our Lord Jesus.

Persistent Prayer

While it may be difficult to hear, those in the midst of great grief have one significant advantage over those of us who are in the midst of relative peace and security in life circumstances. Those enduring great grief have the "advantage" of holding a right understanding of our lack of self-sufficiency, and our constant need for Christ. In Luke 18, Jesus describes a widow who bombards an unrighteous judge with her petitions for justice. Eventually, the unrighteous judge gives in to her requests, not because the judge is righteous, but because the widow is persistent. If this widow was successful, how much more successful are we when the recipient of our persistent requests is a loving and righteous God? Most of us don't pray like the persistent widow because we really don't believe we need prayer that much. Our culture, and any own personal experiences of personal success, teach us that we can "pull ourselves up by our bootstraps" and achieve what we set out to do. Indeed, some of us fill up our lives with tasks, and create status in our minds about ourselves so that, having formed a sense of self-righteousness about our status, believe we can look at others in self-created righteous indignation over failure to abide by our self-created, self-governed standards. Moreover, these same standards are then applied to God when God fails to abide by our self-created sense of sufficiency. For those in the midst of great grief, we must continue to pour out or requests to God. In His timing, we trust that He will answer in ways that are eternally beneficial. For those like me in periods of relative comfort, we must continually repent of our attempts at self-sufficiency, and look to move to greater and greater dependence upon God. In that dependence, we can then persist in prayer, knowing that we have a good and loving Father hearing our prayers.

Sorrowful, Yet Always Rejoicing

In 2 Corinthians 6:10, the Apostle Paul gives a list of seemingly contradictory attributes of Christians. He tells us that he is “sorrowful, yet always rejoicing…” Pastor John Piper has said that Christians are, or at least ought to be, simultaneously both the saddest people on earth, as well as the most joy-filled. How can this be? Joy: Our lives are filled with joy because of Christ’s work on our behalf. We are the most joyful of people because we have the full knowledge of the plan of salvation in Christ, and revel in our own salvation by grace. Our joy is not in circumstances, but in God. “You have put more joy in my heart then they have when their grain and wine abound.” Psalm 4:7. Sorrow: Our lives are simultaneously filled with sorrow because we better understand the full weight of sin in this world. We know that all of the ramifications to sin—whether the breakdown in human relationships, sickness, loneliness, death—is not the way that the Lord intended for us to live. Author Paul Tripp says, “Death is the enemy of everything good and beautiful about life as God planned it. Death should make you morally sad and righteously angry. It is a cruel indicator that the world is broken; it is not functioning according to God’s original design.” Tripp, citing 1 Corinthians 15:25-26. The rest of the world may try to find the “silver lining” of a tough situation. The world may use modern psychotherapy to help with grief, or turn to work, drugs, or other forms of escape, in order to salve the wounds. But as Christians, we must confront sin and all its ramifications fully in the face and hate sin with all of our being. When we see death, our sorrow is greater than the rest of the world because our hatred of sin is greater than the rest of the world. We can, therefore, take this seemingly contradictory position of great sorrow and grief joy in the midst of suffering.

Suffering and the Presence of the Holy Spirit

One year ago today, I was recovering from an abdominal surgery that would, ultimately, cause me to spend 22 of 26 days in the hospital. I won’t soon forget the night of January 19, 2015, the night when I lay awake in my hospital bed staring at the clock, counting down the minutes until my next dose of pain killers could be administered. I would later learn that grapefruit-sized abscesses had developed behind my lungs by reason of the post-surgical bacterial infection that I had developed in the course of an earlier surgery. As I look back at my response to what God permitted to occur in my life one year ago, I am pleasantly surprised to reflect upon my own reaction to that suffering. This suffering was certainly inferior in degree to the suffering our family endured beginning in 2009 when Micah died. However, that larger suffering, and my dependence on the Holy Spirit by reason of it, has had positive results in my life. Throughout my hospital stay, I was able to maintain a focus on the Lord and His plan for my life, and generally respond with an open hand and mind to where the Lord was leading through that illness. (I blogged about my responses on this blog last winter and spring). I write about this not to boast in my own strength or moral character, but to boast in God’s character. I want to encourage you (especially if you are a fellow grieving parent), that God’s strength will be sufficient to carry you through current and future trials. Any good that comes from the lives of believers in absolute weakness is by reason of God’s strength in us, not our own. In his letter to the Galatians, Paul emphasizes that his boast is not in his own works, but in the cross. “But far be it from me to boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the worlds has been crucified to me, and I to the world.” Galatians 6:14. In the cross, we see that all of our works can only get in the way of our relationship with Him, because in our absolute weakness, God is able to accomplish far more than we can do on our own. How can I boast in my own strength, when I could not even eat, and was too weak to even bath myself? Where is boasting when, but for God’s very breath in our lungs, we would have no hope of entering another day without the strength that He provides. How can I brag when I would not have the moral fortitude to respond in a Christ-like manner to those around me? While I (for one) cannot say that I “rejoice in my suffering,” I can say that I take hope in my response to it. We can be glad that spiritual fruit arising out of suffering demonstrates the presence of the Holy Spirit in your life. Having seen God work through my own weakness, we can rejoice in the hope of eternity, knowing that God’s presence in our lives has guaranteed our salvation. Paul says, “In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory.” Ephesians 1:13.